Below is a script written for a day-player audition.
SCENE: Two men are stood, arms folded, either side of a door. They look a little bored.
Bouncer 2: Is it normally this quiet?
Bouncer 1: Can be. Especially on Thursdays, it’s the in-between day of students and weekenders.
B2: Should pick up tomorrow then?
B1: Yeah, you’ll get the ones straight from the office, can always tell them cause they’re in their smarts. They either leave after one or become a problem. Then will go quiet again till around 8 when folks have had their dinner.
B2: No students then?
B1: Oh no, you’ll get…hold on.
A punter approaches
B1: ID please.
He inspects the ID, glancing at it then back to the punter before seeming satisfied.
B1: Alright.
He moves to allow them in.
B1: What was I saying?
B2: Students?
B1: Right, yeah, you’ll get students still but there are no special deals, so not as many as your actual student nights.
B2: What days are they?
B1: Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Normal folk wouldn’t want to come then so you’ve gotta encourage the students. Here you go, your turn.
Two more punters arrive. B2 stands in the way.
B2: IDs please.
He inspects both before nodding and moving out of the way.
B1: And you know we’re shut Sunday, Monday yeah?
B2: Yeah, yeah. Jules mentioned that.
B1: Oh met jules have you?
B2: Yeah she’s…alright.
B1: Scary, right?
B2: Terrifying. Should just put her on the door.
B1: Never get anyone in then.
They both smirk and fall into comfortable silence.
B1: Ah right here we go, this one ent getting in. Already drunk and definitely not 18. Want your first refusal?
B2 nods eagerly and steps forward
B2: ID please.
UNDERAGE fumbles with their card holder, mumbling under their breath. Eventually flourishes an ID. B2 glances back and forth, shows it to B1 and is clearly milking it and relishing the moment.
B2: What’s your name?
UNDERAGE: Charlie brown.
B2: Date of birth?
UNDERAGE: 15th March 2005.
B2: 2005?
UNDERAGE: No, I said 2003.
B2 clearly knows they’re lying but humours them.
B2: Address?
UNDERAGE: Oh its uh, number uh, number 4? Yeah 4, uh, fish Avenue? No uh, trout Avenue?
B2 shakes his head and hands back the ID
B2: Not a chance mate.
UNDERAGE sulks off. B2 and B1 chuckle.
B1: You don’t have to ask all the questions if they’re literally a different race to their ID.
B2: funny though. Fish Avenue, ha.
B1: What was the address?
B2: River cottage.
They both smirk.
B1: Kids.
B2: Bet you’ve seen some in your time
B1: Shit yeah. Once had a 13 year old try and get in with his brother’s ID. His brother was 32. Only know he was 13 cause he was dragged back here to apologise once his brother realised his ID was missing.
B2: Man. I thought I was dumb when I was that age.
B1: Takes all sorts. Hopefully my kids won’t turn out like that anyway.
B2: You got kids?
B1: In 2 months I will. Wife’s about to pop. Twins.
B2: Nice. Oh, hey, what happens if we get someone who wants a fight?
B1: Ah, we’ve got a panic button, I’ll show you once Martin comes. It alerts the police. But you know how to take them down, right?
B2: Yeah, I used to be an officer. I can restrain them no worries.
B1: Ideal. Here comes some more.
Lily Portman 