Below is another script for a friend’s day player audition.
BARTENDER (B) is speaking to a customer as PATRON (P) walks to the bar in the background, pauses to look at the other customers then turns to order. B doesn’t notice P immediately as he is deep in conversation with a regular. P waits and fiddles with the beer mats, clearing their throat a couple of times before pretending to make a phone call.
B: No matter how many times you come in mate, you aren’t getting a discount. I’ve asked Lucy and she’s said no. Look, if this were my place you know I’d give you as many free drinks as you wanted as long as you don’t start acting like a complete d –
P: (Loud, into phone) Hiya, I’m just at the pub, I think it’s called The Lion. Do you want me to order for you?
B finally notices P and meanders up to them, looking nonplussed, if not a little annoyed, at the distraction.
P: No, no that’s fine. Yep. Yeah, see you later. (to B) Sorry, sorry, just my friend who I…
B: (interrupting) No worries, what can I get you, mate?
P seems a little taken aback by the interruption.
P: I’ll just have a tonic, please.
B: Pint or half?
P: Oh, go on, make it a double!
B: (chuckles) A what now?
P: (sheepish) G & T, I’ll have a double G & T please.
B: Ice and a slice?
P: Please.
B turns to make the order. P reaches into their bag and gets out a large envelope.
P: Oh shit, dammit.
B returns with the drink.
B: All OK?
P: No, oh sorry, no I can pay. I just forgot a pen. I don’t suppose you have one…?
B: Sure, no problem. (He offers a pen from his pocket)
P: Thanks, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t…(shakes head) How much do I owe you?
B: £5.40 please.
P: Here, don’t worry about the 10.
B: Oh, cheers.
B smiles and notices something bothering P
B: Can I help you with anything else?
P: (clearly anxious) No, no thank you, I’ll be…I suppose, it’s fine.
B: (gently) You sure there’s nothing?
P: It’s just…You haven’t seen a bald guy have you? About this tall, chubby, kinda looks like that Gregg guy from masterchef?
B: I don’t watch masterchef.
P: No, right, but you haven’t seen anyone?
B: There are alot of folk that come in here I’m afraid. I don’t remember everyone, but if I see anyone I’ll let you know. Can I get you anything else?
P: No, thanks. (Pause) Are you sure you haven’t seen him? It’s just really important that I meet him today.
B: Hmmm. Bald and chubby, fat controller type? (he leans in with a smile) Between you and me, that describes 70 percent of my customers.
P: (thinking pause) He’s a lawyer? Oh, and his names Robin.
B: Hmmm Robin the lawyer. Wait, you don’t mean Rob the lawyer? Usually wears a grey suit? Has a tattoo on one of his arms you can just about see if he rolls his sleeves up?
P: Yes! Yeah that’s him! Do you know him?
B: He comes in from time to time, nice bloke, always tips so I like him.
P: Have you seen him today?
B: Nah, not today I’m afraid. But if he comes in it’s usually around…(he checks the time) Yeah around nowish.
P: Yeah, that’s what I heard. I guess I can wait a couple of hours. Do you serve food here?
B: Hours? That’s a long wait for someone who might not show up. Is he really worth the wait?
P shrugs.
B: You can leave your number here if you want, I can let him know you came?
P: Oh no, thank you, I really don’t want him to know I was here unless I see him.
B: No worries, if you change your mind…Did you want a food menu?
P nods and B hands them one.
B: Don’t get the fish.
B watches P glance at the menu.
B: Who is Robert…
P: Robin
B: Right, Robin, sorry. Who is he to you anyway?
P: Oh, well, uh…
B: You don’t have to tell me, just nosy.
P: No, it’s…(sighs) I’ve just never said it out loud before.
B: Right?
They lock eyes
P: Well he…he might be my Dad.
Lily Portman 