Because

I ride waves.

But the water is filled with the sewage of

10000 people,

10000 possibilities,

10000 ways to stop.

I hold my beliefs for myself,

But my self doesn’t hold my beliefs for me.

It makes me question

Whether what I think is reality

Or if reality even exists.

And it’s easier to let go

But harder to feel numb.

When nothing really matters

How can anything persevere 

And I make dinner to not eat it

And I pour wine to not drink it

I just do to be done.

Not to exist for the reason everyone craves

But to exist because

Well, exactly.